So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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