Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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