thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
