Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
