I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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