i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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