Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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