...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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