A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
