The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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