hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
