I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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