Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
