Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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