Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
