You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
