I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
