i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
