My first STD was from a foam party
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
