I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
