Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
