Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
