I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
