I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
