Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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