Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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