I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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