stop calling my apartment porn island.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
