Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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