WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize