I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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