I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
