Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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