Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
