I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
