after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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