I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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