just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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