at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
