What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
