HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Operation Purity has been aborted
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
