Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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