I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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