you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
