it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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