I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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