This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
