So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
