So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
