my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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