the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
And then he peed in my hair
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize