He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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