someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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