My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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