My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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