i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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