Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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