My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
