last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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