I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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