I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
