even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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