I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
