I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
