Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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