I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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