gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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