He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize