She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
