fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
