I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
