Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
