A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
