You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
