shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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