We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think my mom watched the whole time
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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