You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
