i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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