I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
