Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize